I thought the Depression was quite over.

There's this documentary The Boy Inside. Documents this young kid growing into a young man with a specific form of autism, known as Asperger Syndrome. This kid is an outcast.

I mean, which person goes around being able to start relationships, work it out for a brief while, then get shunned by these relationships in varying degrees? What person goes around pissing people off with remarks that do not fit into the social environment that he is in? And this person is just so depressed and upset that he has got no friends, cries in the day and in the afternoon and in the night, pleading some merciful change in his way of life that will bring him around into a world where everyone loves him and accepts him and not necessarily mean to hurt his feelings but still talk to him the same welcome him and make him a part of their circle and listen to him and form a relationship with him and stand by him and make friends with him and call him to talk rCok and sing song and play games that

the Boy inside would like to play and sing and talk about and enjoy, but is denied of these social treats that would become, his social grooming for his growth and, basic understanding of the world?

I was that boy.

I don't know if I still am. Surely I'm all ears now? Surely I consider the words I'm about to say before I actually say them? Surely... I'm not what I used to be?

I am, as I've come to learn, carrying the scars of an ardent attention-seeker. It is an innate thing in me I guess, that I yearned to be quite well-acknowledged in my younger years. I don't intend to repeat another account of what I went through before.

It still bites me these days. Though compared to Johnson perhaps 2 years ago things decidedly aren't that bad anymore. You could talk to people now. And you could get people to talk to you now. You're someone approachable now. You don't make any enemies now. But you're not making any friends either.

Could anyone imagine life on planet Earth? The third rock from the sun is a rare place where conditions have made it possible for the continued existence of active lifeform. None of the rocks in the solar system can attest to that.

In the thick of the existence though, is perhaps another story.

Wake up - at 7.00 a.m. Wash yourself... Brush your teeth... Take a dash for the sitting bowl, have breakfast, rush to work, twiddle your thumbs and wait for lunchtime to come, have lunch, come back, twiddle your thumbs for 5:30 pm, and off you go to enjoy your time at home, doing what you might do (if you do anything at all), in front of the tv, the computer like what i'm doing, the guitar too, then go to sleep... then dream about something really fantastic, and re-run the cycle again.

Thankfully there's a Saturday and a Sunday. Days you haven't got to wake up to the screeching alarm clock and decide if you would like to catch the 8:00 p.m bus or the 12:30 p.m one, or basically just call to say Hi I'm sick Bye.

But even so, how many times have you already heard the radio deejay say, with all enthusiasm and zest, TGIF?

It's one darned routine day after day, one darn routine to latch on to another darn routine as the years zoom by.

There's nothing worth living for in living routine after routine after routine. Even in death one's burial is, ironically another routine. The person who heaves the coffin into the ground or into the crematorium simply wipes brow and prepare for the next schedule.

Rockerzz and mosherzz and groupiezz... Enjoy life, live day to day, drink booze, defy authority, rock on... It's still all a routine, ladies and gentlemen.

We need this routine though. We are afraid of chaos. With the desire for order come everyday routine. We need security in our lives, learning to shun darkness and embrace light from the earliest of our times. And we huddle together to find warmth and security.

The only thing worth living for is the warmth in the human race. Some people coax themselves into a fitful trance as they devote their time in their work. It works, you know, if you really like the job. But chances are, if there isn't the human factor involved in the job, few people will want it.

How is your circle of friends like? Do you have someone you can trust with your problems and basically all your troubles and mind? Is this someone you would do the same for what he or she would do for you?

Some people get by with superficial relationships, on the net, in a wide circle of acquaintances, perhaps with like-minded people. Some people yearn for just one, really deep and endearing relationship.

I yearn for someone for me to find time for, someone for me to stand by the side and give full support to, listen to all their troubles, from the trembling voice on the opposite side of the telecoms in the cold night to the laughing tears in the bright sunny morning, someone

who would do the same for me.

What kind of friend do you want?