Rationale for forming a band

There are people who ask me why I want to form a band so badly. After all, it's probably a half-hearted effort from everyone else who's half-interested in doing anything at all. I think, throughout all the failures, I can see one thing clear. The reason why I still persist in forming a band.

Not that my experiences with forming a band were good. No, not at all. Lemme recount the few times I tried.


The first time, Virgin try

Was 2 years ago. Still in BMT. With an addled brain with dead figures and facts from textbooks in my mind, I sent out a post looking for people to "grow musically together".

The end result was a Malaysian bassist, a drummer who was already Orded 1 year ago, and a guitarist who was a 26 year old regular in the airforce.

What a motley crew.

We spent time on MSN discussing songs for the next jam, talk about songs for the next jam, and also songs for the next jam. I often emailed about songs for the next song.


God I think it was the worst that ever transpired. None of us could click. Problem was with everyone not having communications with each other. I had no idea how to link people, and I was a immature little nerd-punk running around the barrack.

I never talked to any of the people ever again after that... except for the drummer on a few occasions, but never more after that.


My second try, still a bit tight

Uptight, that is.

You see, I had dropped myself happily into shit without doing my homework. Like forming a band was as simple as going to Soft and posting "You need to express yourself. Join my band now."

No friends to introduce me to the phenomenon of jamming, no idea how to book a jamming studio, no idea how to talk to people, no idea how to play the guitar.

I decided that perhaps forming a band was the stupidest idea out there. So I posted on the "Musicians Available" forum introducing myself as a potential vocalist. I couldn't whack the guitar, so I figured vocals is probably the only thing I can hopefully pass off as.

So I did receive a few replies... one from a alternative band, which wasn't my kind of music; one from Jurong, which was actually Chang, and our MSN sessions started off from there. Back then he had a band with his brother and some close neighbours, now they're disbanded. Reasons I'm not privy to.

Then there was one from this band with a predominantly non-Chinese member base. 1 Malay, 2 Indians, 1 chinese drummer. Oh, Lemme cut in and tell you the number of people who look like each other. This chinese drummer looked like one of my NS squadmates, and in turn, this NS squadmate of mine looks like Hanes. Yes, Hanes. 3 people with the same look. Is it a genetic thing that links different people together? Or is it like some hidden disorder of sorts? God knows.

But yeah they asked me to jam with them, and I did. We did a "rockier" version of RHCP under the bridge, then they had a few originals, which I tried to sing to.

Needless to say, I sucked.

Few weeks later, I heard they auditioned a female vox, who according to the drummer whose girlfriend lives in my neighbourhood (that's some coincidental networking for ya, if I ever see him again i'll ask him to jam someday) was really freakin' lousy.



Well, sex and gender matters, Dunno about the sexuality.



But I did listen to their "most-proud" original, it was this song that encapsulated their Nightwish obsessions, and tho I still couldn't play the guitar then, I didn't really like it.

Recently, with a bit more wit, tact and wisdom I found out from the leader of the band himself that the band is in tatters... due to the one thing that destroys nearly all male-led bands.

National Conscription for non-Singaporean readers (like there are. If you are, gimme a smile anyday), National Service for those who haven't gone into NS, Sai Ckang (SC) for policeNS, Chaokengtimes for those in Army.

Another bad experience.


Third time, a bit loose

Footloose that is. What were you thinking?

This was when I finally took guitar lessons. Got to know this emo guy in class and decided that he was a good person to form a band with: Quiet, unassuming, seemingly mature.

We found a bassist on Soft, who had her O levels to do in 9 months time. This girl turned out to be one of the endearing pillars in the band, which we called Lighted Conspiracy.

During which most of the relations that made the band was in my classroom, with emokid. We had quite a good bond, going to gigs together, talking about music and all. Later there was a transfer student into our class, and after the first lesson I saw him choosing a drum stool with his dad. No money for guessing what I did next.

Jam we did... all covers.... During this time I had found the guitar as my main expressive device, and couldn't care much for vocals. Footloose lah, can do both. But months of searching yielded no vocalists, so I had to do both.

It was awkward, our jams. Our bassist was a keyboardist by instinct, our drummer a guitarist, and emokid couldn't string together a coherent string of notes. And yes I don't have any idea how to coordinate a jam then. Yeah, I still don't.

Along the way emokid picked up some habits from his rocker frens and turned metal, in slow degrees we grew further and further from each other. Bassist girl had problems with her mum, and for her deteriorating grades I decided to cancel all jam sessions.... which did not help much, she couldn't study much. She's since retaken her O's... and is doing well.

Later I tried to restart the band... found a new bassist, who was into heavy metal like emokid was/is. I found a guitarist from yes, Soft, and the drummer still the same. With this lineup the influence was almost certainly metal, shred and all. Thing is, none of us could do shred. Not even drummerboy, who these days can pull off a decent Malm'ers. Meanwhile I relegated my guitar for vocals, which actually sounded better already.

We just couldn't cut it. I knew even before the jam we couldn't cut it. The problem was not technical; the other guitarist could do decent shit, and emokid could do decent rhythm, though his timing and bounce has always been a problem.

The problem then, was with the fact that everyone had different ideas on how the band should run. While I wanted everyone to at least be able to play cleanly, emokid wanted a gig asap, the new guitarist wanted to be the only guitarist, bassist had other bands that were also falling apart, and drummerboy was getting uninterested...

I broke the band up after the first jam, subsequently not talking to any of the others for quite a while.

Emokid I told him to form his own band with people close to him, and I told him he had my encouragement and support, though today it probably doesn't mean anything to him. That he did, and I heard his band's already gone through Deafcon and recently, another gig which features some decent, established bands. I've not spoken to him ever since; from my previous bassist girl I heard he's quite selective in making friends in a bid to look cool. I say, why not?



See, it's shit you've gotten yourself into when you decide to form a band. Your members can't play, you can't sing, everyone else has different schedules, everyone wants to play different stuff, and everyone has different ideas on how the band should run, everyone gives 10% committment into the band.


In here, where education is key to opening doors to working locally, few people have time to achieve professional-skill in music without compromising their means of livelihood. What results is a balance between being able to promise yourself a decent livelihood and decent skill. This usually becomes a hobby. How much time and obsession can you squeeze into a hobby?


So why do I still insist in forming a band?


Throughout my whole life, my priority has always been about expressing myself. I started with creative writing as a means of expression, but short of determination, and understanding the fact that Singapore literary scene is underdeveloped, with lots of old farts dominating the literary scene for the longest record time, I left writing alone after 10 years of toying with it.

When I heard the rock song that changed my life, I was attracted to the overt, blatant expression of self in it. This was more obvious, more direct than wallowing a mess of emotions and frustration as to how to bring them all out onto the blank piece of paper in front of you. There was just too much work with creative writing. I was a restless person.

Throughout the times I've been into the bands shit, one thing remains constant and clear: and that is I always took the most expressive role in the band. The band was then a place I could try to express myself directly, immediately and powerfully numbing. When you scream into the microphone or solo the onflush of adrenaline is just indescribable. It's almost like hugging every part of your soul.

I still want to express myself, and I believe this drive for self-expression will drive me to keep trying and trying no matter wat. Cos it's the masses I've always wanted to express myself to. From entering competitions and hoping to win recognition to carrying the guitar and running around the streets and Mrt stations, it's all about sanctioned attention.

Everyone from my ex-colleagues to even musically inclined people have doubts on local music scene. Dun waste time in music. But that's the way our society is structured isn't it? Economic interests of the country first. Just follow law? You no balls!

If we could think about it, almost everything that has nothing to do with anything that drives the economy is altogether shitty. Local Basketball? Shit. Local Soccer? International shit. Atheletics? Shit. Literary society? Even more shit.

Sportsmen and women have got it coming for them, if by age 30+ they still haven't got enough for retirement, they'd most probably be in much trouble. Cos physical wise, there ain't much that you can do at 30++. And if you quit school just to train for your sports when you were younger, good luck to you.

So there is really no point in doing anything that does not guarantee you livelihood. Which means its best to follow the socially approved path to a decent livelihood. Just follow law. Right?

That'll be No balls sia. It's a boring and dead world just working for a decent livelihood. You become part of the machine that is society. You cannot break out. So when the weekend comes you drown yourself in beer and wine over at pubs and clubs, otherwise you go shopping with your friends, otherwise what else can you do?

Music is then, a supplementary form of self-expression that you would otherwise be cut off from because of your relations with the economy. Marx might be a crackhead, but his point about exploitation is simply real. You are exploited by owners of production and being so exploited in such an effective system you become alienated from your basic instinct to express yourself.



The band is a powerful statement against the daily drudgery of routine life. Whereas you can't find ways to change your life, you can almost certainly change the number of variations your music can take.



I dun see why anyone would want to join such an egoistical person as me. These days I really believe that sex is two or more people expressing themselves together with each other and enjoying it. And since it's so hard getting the real thing, why not form a band? I've always said that a band's best when the influences come from everyone's diverse experiences, and it shows a great deal of naivety on my part, but it's something that I still stubbornly hold on to, cos that's one way to keep writing and writing songs ain't it? 5 people writing songs as compared to one bugger writing chords, how many albums can you fill for each?

It really seems I've got less shit than anyone out there. So much time to write such a long post. But then again shit is shit only when you see it as shit. So I probably have lots of stuff that many people would consider as shit, just that I dun have the brains to see them as shit.

I get upset when I read about other people's shit. I don't know why. Maybe I've gone so successful in masking the smell and sight of my own shit that when I see actual shit, I get upset. Even when the shit's not directed at you.

Even now, I can't feel anything shitty about my "shitty" past experiences with bands and all. I dun feel resentment, dun feel anger, nor hate, sadness, just dun feel shit.


To everyone feeling shit right now, believe in tomorrow. When you're at tomorrow, believe in the day after tomorrow. Cos tomorrow comes so fast, and by the time you're at the day after tomorrow, you can wonder why the hell you were feeling so shit two days ago.


And also to those considering suicide as a solution to your problems: Don't shortchange yourself by not giving yourself a chance to see what tomorrow might hold for you.

At the very least, numb yourself in music.