I do feel like a bastard sometimes. I ought to learn to appreciate people beyond their immediate pretenses and social masks. I ought to be able to smell that underneath the cute and bubbly personality is something much deeper. I ought to be able to discern that people only present themselves as what they hope others will see them and that I should be able to have the slightest inkling of what's going on behind what they present. For behind the facade that they put on when they talk, there is actually a soft, vulnerable and unknown core that hides inside.

It's not that I cannot see what people are hiding, or how they are hiding it. I can see bits and pieces of it. I think. But it's weird to expect someone else to "know" how you want to be treated when you dun show out how you want to be treated.

Perhaps I should begin to see people as people inherent in themselves and not as some other social gratification object or whatever term I was told. But if they present themselves to be in this way, how am I supposed to treat them otherwise?

Maybe I should be more direct and ask all the people around me if they need help, and tell them that I think they dun seem very well, and they have problems, can I help you or something like that. But more than often not the reply is a unsuccessful exercise in deception and self-denial; No, I'm fine... It's just school.

So I'll hit another brick wall again. And feel stupid for even asking.

Then again, I can go all out and pursue deeper. Then again, it has to be a two way process.


Just some thoughts. I haven't bathed yet.

Fuck the assignments