Can't

seem to be alright. It really feels empty now. You can be happy and go shopping. Now that's something to look forward to, the next agnes b or that pair of shoes. Maybe dinner at some restaurant and later mambo at zouk.

If everyone seems to think that such a life of flesh and consumption is best, then wouldn't it mean that those who strive for austerity for the sake of the soul are mistaken? If we can all live happily ever after in endless sex, drugs, booze, lots of neon, gossip girls, Juice, clubbing, then why don't we all just do it? Hedonism is the way to go isn't it? If you're feeling a bit empty, all you need to do is attend one of those hip churches and let the choir fill your veins for a morning, assure you that god still loves you no matter what you do, etc. and go back to your drinking that very night. Prozac for an irritating soul without messing your routine!

I remember someone whom I talked to through email. Hedonist through and through. Not bad, white middleclassbackground. In limbo. Hers was the perfect life, she said. Well, until she took the plunge and dashed her head on the concrete 15 below from some random HDB flat in Upper Thomson.

She didn't leave me anything. Didn't say goodbye or anything. Don't know any of her friends, only know how her soul is like.

Is there a hell? What happens when you don't take care of your soul? Is there a heaven? What happens when you have got a strong soul? Does it matter if you plunge into the gratification? Does it matter that, none of us want meaning, but signs, that tell us what to think? When you argue and say that we are thinking creatures, aren't your just thinking for the sake of consuming more signs? What is your thought worth?

In the workplace, you can sell your mind to the company. What is your thought worth? Is it a sign that you create and sell to others? When you write your resume, are you creating a business where the product is your mind and your resume is the price tag? In a similar way, why would your company makes such a beautiful website to seduce your mind?

Reality is dead. Truth is dead. Power is dead. In the ever-consuming mind, everyone is dead. Everything's a simulation. Simulation protects against death. Your body is dead. Because you dress it up with signs, your body is untouchable, untangible, unconceivable in any way but through your signs. You might not have become still or static, but there's no more sensitivity to your body. Your body is dead.

When s/he fucks you, both of you are consuming signs. Sex is dead because what you're doing is a mere simulation of the porn video you watched just yesterday. You are not fucking each other, you're simulating a fucking. You're disciplining your body to fit into signs designed to construct a fucking reality. Sex is dead. You're a pulp movie happening on your bug-infested bed.

So, consume, and consume ever more. We can do well without meanings, we can do just fine with signs. We don't need to give meaning, we only want to consume signs. I like shoes, I'm superficial, whatever.